I Apologize for Everything

So here's the potato.

My computer has thus far been a drift in the sheltered harbor of my patience. However, recent events have forced me and m
y computer into a great and terrible quest to end each other's lives.

In short, my computer is mean.

Ever since I don't even know when, the day I upgraded my Mac from Snow Leopard or whatever cat-themed operating system was popular at the time to Maverick, my computer has been naught but a raging hell beast.

At first, it was just really slow. I was like, "Aw, how cute, my three year old computer thinks it's old haha." Then, suddenly and without warning of any kind, without necessary preparation from myself, my internet died.

"Oh," you're probably saying. "That's not a problem. That's your wifi." I'm here to tell you no, my friend. Just no. My computer, as far as I can tell, is connecting to my wifi just fine, as is my family's devices and even my own non-computer internet doodads. However, does the internet actually work on my computer? If it was I wouldn't be painstakingly typing this post out on my sticky-screened iPad. (Apparently my little brother ate a poptart and then decided that was a good moment to take a thousand pictures of nothing with it.)

My computer is showing all signs of being connected to the Internet. Five bars, green lights and all. But does it connect on safari? Can I Skype my friends? Do any of my incredibly important emails come through? I think you already know the answer to these questions.

I've tried to fix it. My computer competent brother has looked at it numerous times. I've tried virus checks and wifi settings and all the advanced coding that goes into fixing computers. I even broken-heartedly wiped my entire hard drive, deleted all my backups, and started from scratch. That worked for about a month before my computer returned to its former state.

I honestly couldn't tell you what happened to my laptop. It's a three year old Mac. In all reasoning it should be in perfect shape. But alas, the terrors of outdatedness have probably grabbed hold of it for the worse.

So, I have a system. I have a little USB drive thingy that I use to switch files between devices. It's painstaking but it works. However it really stinks to have to go on my little brothers computer to attach documents to emails and stuff.

I could use this giant post as my excuse for not posting anything for years. But that would be irresponsible. I know I am lazy. You know I am lazy. The muffin man knows I am lazy. So let's all just be lazy together.

Now I must fill out an invoice on the slowest desktop computer in the universe. Excuse me.